Posted by: kevinfortruth | September 20, 2012

I recommend a government job for Romney – not president, but how about Postmaster General?


Mitt “Never Apologize” Romney knows money – he knows how to make it, how to spend it, how to save it and how to hide it offshore in places like the Cayman Islands.

He also has experience in going into companies and figuring out ways to expand and or improve their businesses. He has done this at Staples, Sports Authority, Ampad and others.

These companies are part of the few companies he and Bain actually helped.  In so many other cases, he and Bain bought companies only to bleed them dry, charging excessive management fees, then chopping up some of them and forcing some of them into bankruptcy.

It is a given that Romney did have some successes and the skills he learned could be used to pump new energy into the Postal Service – streamlining operations – expanding some locations where appropriate and closing some locations or having some post offices offer fewer services, after all, some people only want to mail envelopes and packages and they do not need other services like post office boxes or passport services – some would not even have to carry a large variety of postage stamps for collectors.

The hell with philatelists anyway, they all are probably part of the 47 percent Americans who pay no taxes, while expecting  handouts – so the freeloading stamp collectors can figure out other ways to buy their damn stamps.

Romney, from what I have read, stepped up when asked to help make the 2002 Olympics in Salt Lake City a success.  He almost makes it sound like he was a one man band but as we all know it takes a village and not just one person.  But, let’s give him credit for helping make the games a success.  Another factor in helping the games being successful was that there was a tremendous infusion of money from our Federal Government, something that Mitt does not talk about much.

Mitt is not a people person – just look at him the past 3 – 5 weeks where he has fumbled in Europe and Israel and even during a secretly recorded fundraiser in Florida, but that is okay for a person hired to run the Postal Service as Postmaster General.

Another good thing is that Mitt does not appear to have any military experience – and from what I understand his father, his grandfather, nor his sons have any military experience – so having a title that includes “General” on the front of his office door will make him feel he is doing a civic duty.  Who knows, maybe our government can come up with some kind of military looking uniform he can wear as Postmaster General – like those in charge of the Salvation Army and also the uniform our Surgeon General wears.  Mitt would look smashing in a classy military looking uniform.  Maybe our president could even come up with a “Distinguished Mormon Service Medal” that Mitt could pin above his left coat pocket.

Our President could even authorize new stamps commemorating famous Mormons like Joseph Smith, Jr., Brigham Young, Ezra Taft Benson, and Spencer Kimball, as well as the current President Thomas S. Monson.

The only conflict I see is Mitt’s predisposition to charge excessive management fees when he is trying to help a company improve their business model.

But again, management fees will not be a factor if he runs the Postal Service because the Postal Service is already losing millions, if not billions, every year, so Mitt will not be able to squeeze any management fees out of the Postal Service.

In fact, with all the money Mitt has, I am sure he will refuse to accept a salary because he will be permitted to still function as the president of Bain Capital on a part-time basis.

Maybe the Postal Service, in return for Mitt working for free, can give Mitt, Bain Capital, and Mormon Temples across the country, discount rates on everything they ship via the Postal Service.  That would result in a win-win situation for Bain and Mitt’s church as well as the Postal Service because every company that Bain and Mitt forces into bankruptcy will ship all the products and supplies and equipment via the Postal Service – increasing the volume and revenues while Bain saves money on postage.

I will go one step further – let Bain, under Mitt’s guidance, purchase the Post Office and give them a couple of years to either turn it around and make it profitable or let Bain force the Postal Service into bankruptcy – selling off all Post Office’s across the country – with Bain getting 15 percent on the sale of the assets, like the buildings, the land, the regional distribution centers, and their fleet of vehicles.

Bain, then could open up mini post offices inside all Staples locations, Sports Authority locations, Dunking Donuts locations, all Domino’s Pizza locations, and all Toys R’ Us locations.

Considering Bain is or was invested in all the above companies, it would increase business for them as well as getting seniors out of the house to visit different places instead of the one Post Office they go to on a regular basis.

Imagine mailing a package and having a donut and coffee or mailing a package and getting a Domino’s pizza, or again, mailing a package and making some copies of your tax forms at Staples. A family could even combine a trip to mail letters or packages with a trip to Burger King.  The drive up window at Burger King could even add pictures of stamps on their take out menus so people could buy them while driving thru to pick up their burgers, fries, sodas and shakes.

The person taking the order could ask, “Would you like any stamps with your order?”

“Yes, I would like a sheet of Mitt “Almost President” Romney stamps, thanks!”

“Oh, do you have that new stamp showing Ann Romney in her driveway in front of her three Cadillac’s?”

The cashier would reply back,

“We don’t have any more Ann Romney stamps – they sold out the first day – we might have more the next time you visit.”

“We do, however, have the new Paul “I lied” Ryan marathon stamp showing him coming across the finish line clearly in over 4 hours – would you like a few of those?”

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Responses

  1. love it ! I can see it now StaMP PRICE WILL BE $4.99

    • Hi Bob; Glad you liked it. The price even sounds good for Bain Capital because some of the profits need to be shipped to Switzerland and the Cayman Islands, right?


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